Bear With Me...

DISCLAIMER: These thoughts will be completely incoherent and should not be taken seriously by anyone. Also, I keep trying to put an "a" in just.

Hi. Hello there. My name is Alex. Please just call me Alex, not Al or anything like that. This isn't a damn Paul Simon song. (NP: You Can Call Me Al by Paul Simon. Uh oh.) I don't really have anything to say (or worth your time to hear), I just need a place to vent about stuff. Nothing in particular, just stuff.

I'm a senior, which is totally terrifying. I know it's not true (AT ALL) but my weird brain somehow is able to convince me that literally everyone has their shit figured out. Everyone but me, that is. The only thing I know is that I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I WANT TO DO NEXT. When I tell people I'm a History major (lolz, i know), they often give me a confused glance, followed by a "...So you gonna be a teacher or what?" I should retract my earlier statement: I  have no idea what my future holds BESIDES the fact I do not want to be a teacher. I would be the worst teacher ever; it's low-key hilarious to think about. If you've never seen me give some kind of public speech or presentation then stay away, it is an absolute mess. On top of that, I'm #bad at explaining things and all types of verbal communication, so teaching might not be for me. My grandpa is pushing for law school, which is a better option than a teacher but still something I'm not totally into. One guy I worked with over the summer suggested I should be an engineer. I'm not really sure that guy understood how majors work...

So yeah, that's the first of my problems. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Honestly, I would be totally fine with some desk job punching numbers into a spreadsheet for the rest of my life, but that's only because I am a super-strange guy who appreciates small, repetitive tasks that a desk job lends itself to. Did that make any sense? Probably not, but nothing makes sense to me right now. (I'm pretty sure I have been talking to myself the entire time I've been writing this, and what I've been saying is WAYYYYY crazier than what I've been typing.)

You know what else? (I legit can't even do transitions right now so this is finna be choppy as hell.) Over the summer, it was (inadvertently) brought to my attention that my mom got married when she was 23 (If you are reading this you know who you are. YOU OWE ME. Just kidding. It's cool.) I am 21 right now, so I've got, like, two years, right? WRONG. I'VE GOT LIKE 14 MONTHS. HA GREAT. Now, is it totally irrational to assume that since my mom got married when she was 23 (my dad was 25) that I need to get hitched ASAP or I'm in big trouble? Likely, but that doesn't mean it isn't still strange to think about. I can't fathom getting married at all right now, there is way too much shit flowing through my brain to do that. And to top it all off, I came a little over a year later, which makes me freak out even more. I'm only remotely thinking about this because I have the exact same personality as my mom, so it's basically like we are the same person, just with about 24 years separating us, besides the totally obvious differences (I'm a dude, she's a chick; I'm super cool and awesome, she's not). So yeah. Life, man.

Sorry for being so windy and venty (new word). It's just that I spent 25 minutes walking around by myself outside and I spent the whole time over-thinking everything that has happened to me since the beginning of last year, which I tend to do. I needed a forum to express what I'm feeling and what's going on in my mind, which is a lot. Basically, if you read all of this you are awesome and I love you. Thanks for listening. Maybe someday I'll be able to do this face-to-face with people instead of face-to-computer screen.

Also, I just realized I have had "You Can Call Me Al" playing on repeat since I made that lame Paul Simon joke. I think I said I was 7 zooted earlier. That is a damn lie. I'm like 9.5 zooted. I'm going to bed. Hopefully I have no life-altering dreams or visions whilst I snooze.

BYE.