Hey, I'm sober this time! On a more important, and far less hilarious note, the Colts play the New York Jets TONIGHT on Monday Night Football (7:30, ESPN, 55.5, plz watch). You shouldn't need any extra reasons to cheer for the Colts (I like the Colts, isn't that enough?), but I am just bored enough to give you some reasons anyway. Yay college.
1. ANDREW LUCK: Honestly, this is the only relevant point on this list. The NFL is a quarterback-driven league. Andrew Luck is a top five NFL quarterback (anyone who disagrees: hit me up, let's fight). The Jets' quarterback? Ryan Fitzpatrick. He went to Harvard and, well, that's about it. Andrew Luck is the future face of the NFL. Fitzpatrick was great in Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer. All jokes aside, Fitzpatrick is not good while Andrew Luck is good. Plus, how can you not root for this face?
2. THE JETS AREN'T GOOD: C'mon. Why would you root for a bad team? Saying you're a Jets fan is like admitting you are Canadian or you like Justin Timberlake; why embarrass yourself? Sure the Jets might be 1-0, but they beat the Browns, and the Browns are the Jimmy Fallon of the NFL. Also, the Jets play in New Jersey. The NEW YORK Jets play in NEW JERSEY. At least the Colts know where they play. Learn some damn geography, Jets.
3. THE COLTS DON'T PUNCH EACH OTHER IN THE FACE: Seriously, read this. This would never happen Indianapolis. Andrew Luck wouldn't even need a plane ticket to a teammate's football camp, he would just magically teleport there. The Colts would never employ someone whose name is text lingo for "I know." Only "thank you" for the Colts. (That is a T.Y. Hilton joke. Please laugh at my jokes.)
4. I AM RUNNING OUT OF REASONS: Just root for the damn Colts my God please don't make me go on any longer. Just read this and say "I am cheering for the Colts they are my favorite team wow Alex is very persuasive I should give him $2" or something along those lines and I will know. Call it a mother's intuition, but I will know. You know what? Don't call it a mother's intuition. Just go with the assumption that I am psychic. Yeah, psychic.
5. PLEASE: I try never to beg for anything, because it comes off as weak and Canadian, but I am a RED WHITE AND BLUE-BLOODED AMERICAN WHO LOVES HIS FOOTBALL AND IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME THEN WELL YOUR JUST A IDIOT ALSO OBAMA IS SATAN GO DONALD TRUMP. Yeah, cheer for the Colts tonight so I never have to do that again.
PREDICTION: Colts 69 - Jets 2.
Monday, September 21, 2015
Monday, September 7, 2015
Bear With Me...
DISCLAIMER: These thoughts will be completely incoherent and should not be taken seriously by anyone. Also, I keep trying to put an "a" in just.
Hi. Hello there. My name is Alex. Please just call me Alex, not Al or anything like that. This isn't a damn Paul Simon song. (NP: You Can Call Me Al by Paul Simon. Uh oh.) I don't really have anything to say (or worth your time to hear), I just need a place to vent about stuff. Nothing in particular, just stuff.
I'm a senior, which is totally terrifying. I know it's not true (AT ALL) but my weird brain somehow is able to convince me that literally everyone has their shit figured out. Everyone but me, that is. The only thing I know is that I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I WANT TO DO NEXT. When I tell people I'm a History major (lolz, i know), they often give me a confused glance, followed by a "...So you gonna be a teacher or what?" I should retract my earlier statement: I have no idea what my future holds BESIDES the fact I do not want to be a teacher. I would be the worst teacher ever; it's low-key hilarious to think about. If you've never seen me give some kind of public speech or presentation then stay away, it is an absolute mess. On top of that, I'm #bad at explaining things and all types of verbal communication, so teaching might not be for me. My grandpa is pushing for law school, which is a better option than a teacher but still something I'm not totally into. One guy I worked with over the summer suggested I should be an engineer. I'm not really sure that guy understood how majors work...
So yeah, that's the first of my problems. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Honestly, I would be totally fine with some desk job punching numbers into a spreadsheet for the rest of my life, but that's only because I am a super-strange guy who appreciates small, repetitive tasks that a desk job lends itself to. Did that make any sense? Probably not, but nothing makes sense to me right now. (I'm pretty sure I have been talking to myself the entire time I've been writing this, and what I've been saying is WAYYYYY crazier than what I've been typing.)
You know what else? (I legit can't even do transitions right now so this is finna be choppy as hell.) Over the summer, it was (inadvertently) brought to my attention that my mom got married when she was 23 (If you are reading this you know who you are. YOU OWE ME. Just kidding. It's cool.) I am 21 right now, so I've got, like, two years, right? WRONG. I'VE GOT LIKE 14 MONTHS. HA GREAT. Now, is it totally irrational to assume that since my mom got married when she was 23 (my dad was 25) that I need to get hitched ASAP or I'm in big trouble? Likely, but that doesn't mean it isn't still strange to think about. I can't fathom getting married at all right now, there is way too much shit flowing through my brain to do that. And to top it all off, I came a little over a year later, which makes me freak out even more. I'm only remotely thinking about this because I have the exact same personality as my mom, so it's basically like we are the same person, just with about 24 years separating us, besides the totally obvious differences (I'm a dude, she's a chick; I'm super cool and awesome, she's not). So yeah. Life, man.
Sorry for being so windy and venty (new word). It's just that I spent 25 minutes walking around by myself outside and I spent the whole time over-thinking everything that has happened to me since the beginning of last year, which I tend to do. I needed a forum to express what I'm feeling and what's going on in my mind, which is a lot. Basically, if you read all of this you are awesome and I love you. Thanks for listening. Maybe someday I'll be able to do this face-to-face with people instead of face-to-computer screen.
Also, I just realized I have had "You Can Call Me Al" playing on repeat since I made that lame Paul Simon joke. I think I said I was 7 zooted earlier. That is a damn lie. I'm like 9.5 zooted. I'm going to bed. Hopefully I have no life-altering dreams or visions whilst I snooze.
BYE.
Hi. Hello there. My name is Alex. Please just call me Alex, not Al or anything like that. This isn't a damn Paul Simon song. (NP: You Can Call Me Al by Paul Simon. Uh oh.) I don't really have anything to say (or worth your time to hear), I just need a place to vent about stuff. Nothing in particular, just stuff.
I'm a senior, which is totally terrifying. I know it's not true (AT ALL) but my weird brain somehow is able to convince me that literally everyone has their shit figured out. Everyone but me, that is. The only thing I know is that I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I WANT TO DO NEXT. When I tell people I'm a History major (lolz, i know), they often give me a confused glance, followed by a "...So you gonna be a teacher or what?" I should retract my earlier statement: I have no idea what my future holds BESIDES the fact I do not want to be a teacher. I would be the worst teacher ever; it's low-key hilarious to think about. If you've never seen me give some kind of public speech or presentation then stay away, it is an absolute mess. On top of that, I'm #bad at explaining things and all types of verbal communication, so teaching might not be for me. My grandpa is pushing for law school, which is a better option than a teacher but still something I'm not totally into. One guy I worked with over the summer suggested I should be an engineer. I'm not really sure that guy understood how majors work...
So yeah, that's the first of my problems. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Honestly, I would be totally fine with some desk job punching numbers into a spreadsheet for the rest of my life, but that's only because I am a super-strange guy who appreciates small, repetitive tasks that a desk job lends itself to. Did that make any sense? Probably not, but nothing makes sense to me right now. (I'm pretty sure I have been talking to myself the entire time I've been writing this, and what I've been saying is WAYYYYY crazier than what I've been typing.)
You know what else? (I legit can't even do transitions right now so this is finna be choppy as hell.) Over the summer, it was (inadvertently) brought to my attention that my mom got married when she was 23 (If you are reading this you know who you are. YOU OWE ME. Just kidding. It's cool.) I am 21 right now, so I've got, like, two years, right? WRONG. I'VE GOT LIKE 14 MONTHS. HA GREAT. Now, is it totally irrational to assume that since my mom got married when she was 23 (my dad was 25) that I need to get hitched ASAP or I'm in big trouble? Likely, but that doesn't mean it isn't still strange to think about. I can't fathom getting married at all right now, there is way too much shit flowing through my brain to do that. And to top it all off, I came a little over a year later, which makes me freak out even more. I'm only remotely thinking about this because I have the exact same personality as my mom, so it's basically like we are the same person, just with about 24 years separating us, besides the totally obvious differences (I'm a dude, she's a chick; I'm super cool and awesome, she's not). So yeah. Life, man.
Sorry for being so windy and venty (new word). It's just that I spent 25 minutes walking around by myself outside and I spent the whole time over-thinking everything that has happened to me since the beginning of last year, which I tend to do. I needed a forum to express what I'm feeling and what's going on in my mind, which is a lot. Basically, if you read all of this you are awesome and I love you. Thanks for listening. Maybe someday I'll be able to do this face-to-face with people instead of face-to-computer screen.
Also, I just realized I have had "You Can Call Me Al" playing on repeat since I made that lame Paul Simon joke. I think I said I was 7 zooted earlier. That is a damn lie. I'm like 9.5 zooted. I'm going to bed. Hopefully I have no life-altering dreams or visions whilst I snooze.
BYE.
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