5 REASONS TO CHEER FOR THE COLTS TONIGHT

Hey, I'm sober this time! On a more important, and far less hilarious note, the Colts play the New York Jets TONIGHT on Monday Night Football (7:30, ESPN, 55.5, plz watch). You shouldn't need any extra reasons to cheer for the Colts (I like the Colts, isn't that enough?), but I am just bored enough to give you some reasons anyway. Yay college.

1. ANDREW LUCK: Honestly, this is the only relevant point on this list. The NFL is a quarterback-driven league. Andrew Luck is a top five NFL quarterback (anyone who disagrees: hit me up, let's fight). The Jets' quarterback? Ryan Fitzpatrick. He went to Harvard and, well, that's about it. Andrew Luck is the future face of the NFL. Fitzpatrick was great in Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer. All jokes aside, Fitzpatrick is not good while Andrew Luck is good. Plus, how can you not root for this face?

2. THE JETS AREN'T GOOD: C'mon. Why would you root for a bad team? Saying you're a Jets fan is like admitting you are Canadian or you like Justin Timberlake; why embarrass yourself? Sure the Jets might be 1-0, but they beat the Browns, and the Browns are the Jimmy Fallon of the NFL. Also, the Jets play in New Jersey. The NEW YORK Jets play in NEW JERSEY. At least the Colts know where they play. Learn some damn geography, Jets.

3. THE COLTS DON'T PUNCH EACH OTHER IN THE FACE: Seriously, read this. This would never happen Indianapolis. Andrew Luck wouldn't even need a plane ticket to a teammate's football camp, he would just magically teleport there. The Colts would never employ someone whose name is text lingo for "I know." Only "thank you" for the Colts. (That is a T.Y. Hilton joke. Please laugh at my jokes.)

4. I AM RUNNING OUT OF REASONS: Just root for the damn Colts my God please don't make me go on any longer. Just read this and say "I am cheering for the Colts they are my favorite team wow Alex is very persuasive I should give him $2" or something along those lines and I will know. Call it a mother's intuition, but I will know. You know what? Don't call it a mother's intuition. Just go with the assumption that I am psychic. Yeah, psychic.

5. PLEASE: I try never to beg for anything, because it comes off as weak and Canadian, but I am a RED WHITE AND BLUE-BLOODED AMERICAN WHO LOVES HIS FOOTBALL AND IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME THEN WELL YOUR JUST A IDIOT ALSO OBAMA IS SATAN GO DONALD TRUMP. Yeah, cheer for the Colts tonight so I never have to do that again. 

PREDICTION: Colts 69 - Jets 2. 

Bear With Me...

DISCLAIMER: These thoughts will be completely incoherent and should not be taken seriously by anyone. Also, I keep trying to put an "a" in just.

Hi. Hello there. My name is Alex. Please just call me Alex, not Al or anything like that. This isn't a damn Paul Simon song. (NP: You Can Call Me Al by Paul Simon. Uh oh.) I don't really have anything to say (or worth your time to hear), I just need a place to vent about stuff. Nothing in particular, just stuff.

I'm a senior, which is totally terrifying. I know it's not true (AT ALL) but my weird brain somehow is able to convince me that literally everyone has their shit figured out. Everyone but me, that is. The only thing I know is that I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I WANT TO DO NEXT. When I tell people I'm a History major (lolz, i know), they often give me a confused glance, followed by a "...So you gonna be a teacher or what?" I should retract my earlier statement: I  have no idea what my future holds BESIDES the fact I do not want to be a teacher. I would be the worst teacher ever; it's low-key hilarious to think about. If you've never seen me give some kind of public speech or presentation then stay away, it is an absolute mess. On top of that, I'm #bad at explaining things and all types of verbal communication, so teaching might not be for me. My grandpa is pushing for law school, which is a better option than a teacher but still something I'm not totally into. One guy I worked with over the summer suggested I should be an engineer. I'm not really sure that guy understood how majors work...

So yeah, that's the first of my problems. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Honestly, I would be totally fine with some desk job punching numbers into a spreadsheet for the rest of my life, but that's only because I am a super-strange guy who appreciates small, repetitive tasks that a desk job lends itself to. Did that make any sense? Probably not, but nothing makes sense to me right now. (I'm pretty sure I have been talking to myself the entire time I've been writing this, and what I've been saying is WAYYYYY crazier than what I've been typing.)

You know what else? (I legit can't even do transitions right now so this is finna be choppy as hell.) Over the summer, it was (inadvertently) brought to my attention that my mom got married when she was 23 (If you are reading this you know who you are. YOU OWE ME. Just kidding. It's cool.) I am 21 right now, so I've got, like, two years, right? WRONG. I'VE GOT LIKE 14 MONTHS. HA GREAT. Now, is it totally irrational to assume that since my mom got married when she was 23 (my dad was 25) that I need to get hitched ASAP or I'm in big trouble? Likely, but that doesn't mean it isn't still strange to think about. I can't fathom getting married at all right now, there is way too much shit flowing through my brain to do that. And to top it all off, I came a little over a year later, which makes me freak out even more. I'm only remotely thinking about this because I have the exact same personality as my mom, so it's basically like we are the same person, just with about 24 years separating us, besides the totally obvious differences (I'm a dude, she's a chick; I'm super cool and awesome, she's not). So yeah. Life, man.

Sorry for being so windy and venty (new word). It's just that I spent 25 minutes walking around by myself outside and I spent the whole time over-thinking everything that has happened to me since the beginning of last year, which I tend to do. I needed a forum to express what I'm feeling and what's going on in my mind, which is a lot. Basically, if you read all of this you are awesome and I love you. Thanks for listening. Maybe someday I'll be able to do this face-to-face with people instead of face-to-computer screen.

Also, I just realized I have had "You Can Call Me Al" playing on repeat since I made that lame Paul Simon joke. I think I said I was 7 zooted earlier. That is a damn lie. I'm like 9.5 zooted. I'm going to bed. Hopefully I have no life-altering dreams or visions whilst I snooze.

BYE.

Why the Original Pokemon Theme Song is the Greatest Song Ever Written

BECAUSE IT IS.

A STORY OF ME

Hi all. I had to write an Autobiography for one of my classes a few weeks ago, and I liked how it turned out, so I thought I'd share it. Keep in mind, the assignment only allowed for us to write 3 pages worth of stuff, so it may seem a bit rushed. And if you don't like it you can fuck off (because I got an A on it so I don't give a shit what you think unless it's positive.) 

 Thanks!

    -Alex

           

           My story begins in the second-largest city in the state of Indiana: Fort Wayne. I came into the world on November 2, 1993, at 2:30 AM, a full two weeks after my original due date (sorry, Mom.) I spent my childhood, which coincided with the birth of my sister (Samantha, named after my mom’s childhood dog) in 1996, roaming Rosemont Drive, a fairly mundane street, save for when the school across the street started and got out. I spent most of my early days breaking various bones in my body, mostly fingers. When I realized that I wasn’t a fan of frequent hospital visits, I decided that I would turn to reading, a much less dangerous source of enjoyment, although paper cuts can be a pain. From reading, I was able to fall in love with one subject: History.

Some of my earliest scholastic memories involve reading a book on presidents, and bringing that book to show-and-tell almost every week, each time talking about a different president. From this, I made my first friend. Adam was a year younger than I was, but when I saw him playing in his yard, talking about William Howard Taft and how fat he was, I knew we were soulmates, at least until I moved away two years later and never spoke to him again. I spent my early-elementary years cultivating this friendship, welcoming a new baby brother (Chandler, named after the sarcastic guy in Friends) in January of 2001, and becoming more engrossed in presidential history, at least until my life turned upside down in the summer of 2001.

On a warm June day, Adam and I noticed a peculiar sign in my yard; a sign that said “FOR SALE.” Obviously, this had to be some mistake, so Adam and I spent countless hours (actually about five minutes) trying to remove this wretched sign from the ground in which it was entrenched, but it was all useless. I moved away from Fort Wayne, and everything I ever knew, to a strange town known as “Logansport,” where we lived with my aunt for two months until we found a reasonable place to live. I began attending All Saints Catholic School in 2^nd grade, which started with me forgetting my gym shoes and having to sit out P.E., which alienated me from my new classmates. I hated my new school. The nuns were mean, most of my classmates were snobs, and I had the hardest time figuring out what that white thing was on the priest’s neck. Luckily, I had my books to keep me company, as well as a new interest emerging: Pokémon!

Unfortunately, the more I played Pokémon, the less time I spent reading and expanding my surprisingly-vast (for a 2^nd grader, at least) knowledge of the presidents, much to the chagrin of my parents. I changed schools, and with the change came even more identity switches. I began getting into sports and music, especially. My weekends consisted of watching football (Go Colts!) and playing with various neighborhood rascals. More and more, I began forgetting about the subject I had so adored just a few years earlier. As elementary school turned to middle school, and I welcomed another brother (Colby, named after the cheese) in the summer of 2006, I had almost completely forgotten about how much I loved history.

My middle school days consisted mostly of two areas: music and sports. I was remarkably-average at the sports I tried (except long jumping- I was terrible at that) but was able to find more success as a musician, originally playing the trumpet. Middle school flew by, and before I knew it, I was a freshman at Logansport High School. Unfortunately, that was the only year I spent there as, once again, my mom had a kid (a girl this time, Emma, named after the child of my mom’s favorite Friends character) and we packed our mini-vans and drove west to Washington, Iowa. I spent three fairly-forgettable years in Washington, mostly spent playing in various music groups and being under the watchful eye of a controlling girlfriend. Thankfully, by the time the fall of 2012 rolled around, I was ready to embark on a new journey: college.

I had a fresh start at St. Ambrose, but I still mostly kept to myself. I had a small group of friends, but my friends were, and still remain, awesome, so it’s like a huge group. During my Freshman year, I convinced myself I wanted to be a Political Science major, a decision I regretted as soon as I took a political thought class my Sophomore year. However, as much as I hated my political classes, I found that my favorite class was a History role-playing class, one taught by Dr. Skillin. As odd as it may sound, I had actually forgotten how much I had loved History when I was younger, and I soon discovered that I loved it just as much now as I did back then. I began taking more and more History classes, loving each one in a different, but equally appreciative way. I became a History major, picked up an English minor (why not?) and now I’m a little over a year from graduating.

            I honestly have no idea what my future holds. I’m really hoping something will spark my interest fairly soon, as time is running out. A History degree lends itself to many different career paths, but I’m not quite sure which path I will follow. I may be uncertain about many things, but there is one thing I can say with 100% confidence: History will be involved. I still maintain my interest in sports, especially Colts football, and music, I play the Euphonium in the Symphonic Band, but history is special. I was never able to fully shake off the “history bug,” even after a nearly ten year hiatus, so why wouldn’t I want to do something in that field as a career?

 

 DISCLAIMER: None of the stories about my sibling's names are true. Except maybe the dog one. God, I hope that's true.