Ah, SNL... It's great to have you back! The 40th (!!!!!) season premiere, hosted by Chris Pratt, had me excited but, honestly, the episode really didn't live up to my high expectations. Was it terrible? Absolutely not. Was it outstanding? No. It was a solid episode that showed positives that can definitely be expanded on, but still displayed some troubling tendencies.
Because I am such an eternal optimist (sarcasm), I will mainly focus on the things that I liked from the show. However, I have two pretty big gripes from this episode. First: Why can SNL not figure out how to end a sketch? There were some sketches that showed promise (like the Killam and Pratt He-Man and Lion-O one), that really fizzled at the end because, well, there wasn't an ending (although Ariana Grande really shut that sketch down before it was even over). If the writers could just improve on the endings to sketches, the overall quality of the episodes would be soooo much better. My biggest gripe deserves its own paragraph:
WHERE WAS KATE MCKINNON!??!?!?!
Who is the funniest cast member? Kate McKinnon is. Who was nominated for an Outstanding Supporting Actress Emmy? Kate McKinnon was. Which SNL was most criminally underused for this episode? You guessed it, Kate McKinnon. In an episode that really did a great job of displaying the talent of newcomers, it's a damn shame that SNL couldn't showcase the out-of-this-wordly talent of their most talented performer. But let's talk about good stuff.
Here is everything I liked about this episode: Kenan talking about school buses, Jay Pharoah's Shannon Sharpe impression, the Marvel short (I would watch all of those, especially the Pam movies), remembering how awesome Cecily Strong's recurring Weekend Update characters are, Leslie Jones, Michael Che (he's already better than Colin Jost and that's with a nervous beginning), anything with Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney, and Kenan singing about Obama and how maybe his after-presidency may not be that great after all. But what did I like most of all?
PETE FUCKING DAVIDSON.
Holy crap, this is a way to make your debut on SNL. I have watched his segment like 3 times now, and I still think it is absolutely hysterical. He has an impressive confidence level for only being 20, a confidence that should grow as he becomes more comfortable and is used more frequently on the show. I was a bit skeptical about him at first- it really seemed like he would just be another Brooks Wheelan- but boy was I wrong. I don't know what it is, but this kid just has it. And, yes I can call him a kid because I am older than him, which really just makes me sad. He reminds me so much of a young Adam Sandler, back before Adam Sandler made really shitty movies and was actually really funny, and kind of looks like a cross between Jon Cryer and Andy Samberg, but oh well. Is 1 episode a bit early to judge one's performance a bit ambitious? Sure, but I just have this feeling about Davidson. The Pete Davidson rocket has lifted off, and I will fucking drive that thing to super-stardom if I have to.
Long live SNL.
Alex
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Monday, September 15, 2014
COLTS VENTING
Ugh.
Just.... Ugh.
I don't have the words to describe what I saw tonight. Disappointing is a gross understatement. Pathetic is getting closer to what I'm looking for. Fireable? Well, not yet... But if we lose to Jacksonville then we can talk. I am just so grateful that the Colts play in the AFC South, where every other team is terrible.
You're probably wondering "Hey Alex, why are you so mad for. Haven't the Colts been to the playoffs the past two seasons? Don't they have an awesome QB? Don't they play in the worst division in the NFL?" Well, to answer all those questions: yes. The Colts have made the playoffs in consecutive seasons (and the still should make it this year), Andrew Luck is an exceptionally talented QB, and the Colts do get to play the Jaguars and Titans twice a year, so that is a positive. However that doesn't mean that there aren't problems with this team. There are a lot, both philosophical and personnel-wise.
The biggest problem I have with this team is the philosophy of the coaches. Coach Pagano preaches two things: running the football and stopping the run. Well, that wouldn't be so bad, until you remember the strengths of this team. On the offensive side of the ball it's pretty simple: the passing game. Look at all the weapons you have in the passing game; Andrew Luck is the best young QB in the game, your WR corps might be the deepest position on the team, and the strength of your offensive line is the offensive tackles. The weaknesses of the team? Interior line and running back. But keep running the ball Chuck.
On the defensive side of the football, the Colts preach stopping the run as the highest priority. Again, not a bad idea in theory, until you see that the team still sucks against the run. In order to get players to fit this (outdated) philosophy, the Colts bring in bigger players, who are (obviously) slower. What does this do? First, it really limits the pass rush that can be brought from base packages (God I miss Robert Mathis). Second, it doesn't really matter how well you can stop the run if you bring in players who can't tackle (I AM STARING RIGHT AT YOU LARON LANDRY...RIGHT AT YOU) if they even get in position to make plays. Is it sad that I think our cornerbacks and Andrew Luck might be the best tacklers on this team?
Besides the philosophical problems, this roster is really constructed poorly. There is virtually no depth. Sure, the Colts seem to suffer an abnormal amount of injuries, but the terrible qualities of the back-ups they have on the roster make the injuries even more noticeable. Ryan Grigson likes to overpay one of three things: marginal talent (D'Qwell, Gosder, Erik Walden), injury-prone role players (Toler, RJF, Donald Thomas, Art Jones), and people who are just plain bad (LaRon, DHB, Samson Satele). On top of the poor free agent signings, Grigson hasn't had a good draft (or you could even argue he hasn't made a good pick) since the 2012 gold mine, and he traded our 2014 1st round pick for TRENT FREAKING RICHARDSON (you know it's bad when people say he had his best game and he still only averaged 3.8 YPC and fumbled twice). Ughhhhhh.
Well, I have a lot more issues with this team, but I am way too tired and way too behind on homework to keep going. Is all hope lost? No. Can this team still make the playoffs? Absolutely, yes. Is it possible for the coaching staff to have a Ron Rivera-esque transformation and for Ryan Grigson to totally change his free agent philosophy? Well, sure- but I'm not sure if that will happen. The worst part about all of this is that Andrew Luck is way too good and will mask a lot of the deficiencies this team has. Is all hope lost? No. Am I overreacting to one game? Ha... Probably. Are the Colts flawless? Hell no. But hey, at least we get the Jaguars next!
Find me on twitter if you want to tell me how dumb I am or how much you agree with me.
-Alex
Just.... Ugh.
I don't have the words to describe what I saw tonight. Disappointing is a gross understatement. Pathetic is getting closer to what I'm looking for. Fireable? Well, not yet... But if we lose to Jacksonville then we can talk. I am just so grateful that the Colts play in the AFC South, where every other team is terrible.
You're probably wondering "Hey Alex, why are you so mad for. Haven't the Colts been to the playoffs the past two seasons? Don't they have an awesome QB? Don't they play in the worst division in the NFL?" Well, to answer all those questions: yes. The Colts have made the playoffs in consecutive seasons (and the still should make it this year), Andrew Luck is an exceptionally talented QB, and the Colts do get to play the Jaguars and Titans twice a year, so that is a positive. However that doesn't mean that there aren't problems with this team. There are a lot, both philosophical and personnel-wise.
The biggest problem I have with this team is the philosophy of the coaches. Coach Pagano preaches two things: running the football and stopping the run. Well, that wouldn't be so bad, until you remember the strengths of this team. On the offensive side of the ball it's pretty simple: the passing game. Look at all the weapons you have in the passing game; Andrew Luck is the best young QB in the game, your WR corps might be the deepest position on the team, and the strength of your offensive line is the offensive tackles. The weaknesses of the team? Interior line and running back. But keep running the ball Chuck.
On the defensive side of the football, the Colts preach stopping the run as the highest priority. Again, not a bad idea in theory, until you see that the team still sucks against the run. In order to get players to fit this (outdated) philosophy, the Colts bring in bigger players, who are (obviously) slower. What does this do? First, it really limits the pass rush that can be brought from base packages (God I miss Robert Mathis). Second, it doesn't really matter how well you can stop the run if you bring in players who can't tackle (I AM STARING RIGHT AT YOU LARON LANDRY...RIGHT AT YOU) if they even get in position to make plays. Is it sad that I think our cornerbacks and Andrew Luck might be the best tacklers on this team?
Besides the philosophical problems, this roster is really constructed poorly. There is virtually no depth. Sure, the Colts seem to suffer an abnormal amount of injuries, but the terrible qualities of the back-ups they have on the roster make the injuries even more noticeable. Ryan Grigson likes to overpay one of three things: marginal talent (D'Qwell, Gosder, Erik Walden), injury-prone role players (Toler, RJF, Donald Thomas, Art Jones), and people who are just plain bad (LaRon, DHB, Samson Satele). On top of the poor free agent signings, Grigson hasn't had a good draft (or you could even argue he hasn't made a good pick) since the 2012 gold mine, and he traded our 2014 1st round pick for TRENT FREAKING RICHARDSON (you know it's bad when people say he had his best game and he still only averaged 3.8 YPC and fumbled twice). Ughhhhhh.
Well, I have a lot more issues with this team, but I am way too tired and way too behind on homework to keep going. Is all hope lost? No. Can this team still make the playoffs? Absolutely, yes. Is it possible for the coaching staff to have a Ron Rivera-esque transformation and for Ryan Grigson to totally change his free agent philosophy? Well, sure- but I'm not sure if that will happen. The worst part about all of this is that Andrew Luck is way too good and will mask a lot of the deficiencies this team has. Is all hope lost? No. Am I overreacting to one game? Ha... Probably. Are the Colts flawless? Hell no. But hey, at least we get the Jaguars next!
Find me on twitter if you want to tell me how dumb I am or how much you agree with me.
-Alex
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Aspergers
Wow, one month already.
Hey, Alex; what do you mean one month?
Well, Jesus Christ would you let me finish my goddamn thought. At midnight, when it becomes May 25, it will be one month since I found out (maybe) have Asperger's- which is capitalized so you know it's important. I first learned of this while, in a drunken stupor, someone said, "Hey Alex, do you have Asperger's?" At first I was like "omg wtf is aspergers lolz.:" But then, something crazy happened: EVERYONE FUCKING AGREED WITH HER. "Yeah, I've wondered that too" was the general consensus around the room, which just added to my alcohol-enhanced confusion. I decided, "Hey let's look this up (I definitely didn't spell Asperger's wrong like three times) and prove these people wrong. Yeah, right.
Some symptoms of Asperger's (from webmd.com) include:
PS: Parents and relatives get all defensive if you say you might have Asperger's so just don't mention it, OK?
Disclaimer: I literally give no shits if I have Asperger's or not I am just more bored than you can even imagine right now so this is happening.
Hey, Alex; what do you mean one month?
Well, Jesus Christ would you let me finish my goddamn thought. At midnight, when it becomes May 25, it will be one month since I found out (maybe) have Asperger's- which is capitalized so you know it's important. I first learned of this while, in a drunken stupor, someone said, "Hey Alex, do you have Asperger's?" At first I was like "omg wtf is aspergers lolz.:" But then, something crazy happened: EVERYONE FUCKING AGREED WITH HER. "Yeah, I've wondered that too" was the general consensus around the room, which just added to my alcohol-enhanced confusion. I decided, "Hey let's look this up (I definitely didn't spell Asperger's wrong like three times) and prove these people wrong. Yeah, right.
Some symptoms of Asperger's (from webmd.com) include:
- Problems with social skills
- Eccentric or repetitive behaviors
- Unusual preoccupations or rituals
- Communication difficulties
- Limited range of interests
- Coordination problems
- Skilled or talented
- HAHAHAHAHA yes
- HAHAHAHAHA yes
- HAHAHAHAHA yes
- HAHAHAHAHA yes
- HAHAHAHAHA yes
- surprisingly no
- I tweet more than I should so *shrugs*
PS: Parents and relatives get all defensive if you say you might have Asperger's so just don't mention it, OK?
Disclaimer: I literally give no shits if I have Asperger's or not I am just more bored than you can even imagine right now so this is happening.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Finals Week
Hello all. Finals week is upon us, so I figured I would try to help everyone on their quest to get good grades.
DON'T BE A FUCKING BITCH: That's right! If you don't know something? FUCKING LEARN IT! If you have a question about something? FUCKING ASK IT! If you know everything that will be on the final? WOW CONGRATS NERD MAYBE YOU SHOULD SPEND MORE TIME NOT BEING SUCH A NERD AND THEN YOU WOULDN'T BE SO INSECURE WITH YOURSELF THAT YOU NEED CONSTANT VALIDATION FROM A TOTALLY OBJECTIVE SOURCE... nerd.
PRIORITIZE: This is pretty self-explanatory. Let's say you have a final where you need a 45% to get an A and a different final where you would need to get a 80% to get an A in the course, which do you think you should spend more time studying for? I'm not even going to answer that question, the answer is so obvious. If you don't know the answer? Well then YOU SHOULD OBVIOUSLY BE STUDYING MORE BECAUSE ONLY A COMPLETE FUCKING DUMBASS WOULD NOT KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION HELL YOU PROBABLY WOULD NEVER HAVE A SCENARIO LIKE THAT IN YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU NEED TO GET A 100% ON EVERY FINAL JUST TO PASS THE FUCKING CLASS YOU DUMB SACK OF SHIT.
CHEAT: That's right, cheat! If you don't know the answer, and you ignored my first suggestion, cheating is literally *Chris Traeger voice* the only other option you have left. There are tons of fun ways to cheat! You can write the answers on your arm, but make sure you you sit in the back of class so you don't get caught! You can even print out a fake drink label that has every equation or formula you need to get an A on that pesky Calculus test! What's that? You're worried you might get caught and fail the class? Hmm... Well, maybe if YOU WEREN'T A FUCKING LOSER THE FIRST 4 MONTHS OF THE SEMESTER YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO RESORT TO FUCKING CHEATING NOW WOULD YOU YOU WORTHLESS CUM DUMPSTER JESUS SPEND MORE TIME READING YOUR NOTES AND LESS TIME POISONING YOUR LIVER AND YOU WOULD NOT BE IN THIS SITUATION GODDAMN I DO NOT WANT TO BE PAYING FOR YOUR LAZY ASS TO COLLECT WELFARE IN THE FUTURE SO YOU BETTER SHAPE UP RIGHT NOW I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS IF YOU HAVE TO CHEAT TO DO THIS
Those are the only tips I can give you. If these tips don't help you, then you are definitely beyond help and should probably seek a professional's assistance to cure you from your TOTALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE BEHAVIOR THIS LIST TOOK LIKE 7 MINUTES TO WRITE AND IF YOU ARE GOING TO JUST SIT THERE AND DISS ME AND SAY "OH WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS GUY KNOW HE'S JUST AN ASPERGER-Y DUMB FUCK" WELL THAT MAY BE RIGHT BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT THE IDIOT READING THIS STUPID FUCKING LIST AT 1:00 IN THE MORNING BECAUSE YOU ARE UP LATE BECAUSE YOU ARE AN INSOMNIAC OR YOU ARE MORE CONCERNED WITH YOUR DAMN NERDY-ASS GRADES THAN YOUR PERSONAL WELL-BEING JEEZUS FUCK EVERYTHING I'LL JUST LEAVE
DON'T BE A FUCKING BITCH: That's right! If you don't know something? FUCKING LEARN IT! If you have a question about something? FUCKING ASK IT! If you know everything that will be on the final? WOW CONGRATS NERD MAYBE YOU SHOULD SPEND MORE TIME NOT BEING SUCH A NERD AND THEN YOU WOULDN'T BE SO INSECURE WITH YOURSELF THAT YOU NEED CONSTANT VALIDATION FROM A TOTALLY OBJECTIVE SOURCE... nerd.
PRIORITIZE: This is pretty self-explanatory. Let's say you have a final where you need a 45% to get an A and a different final where you would need to get a 80% to get an A in the course, which do you think you should spend more time studying for? I'm not even going to answer that question, the answer is so obvious. If you don't know the answer? Well then YOU SHOULD OBVIOUSLY BE STUDYING MORE BECAUSE ONLY A COMPLETE FUCKING DUMBASS WOULD NOT KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION HELL YOU PROBABLY WOULD NEVER HAVE A SCENARIO LIKE THAT IN YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU NEED TO GET A 100% ON EVERY FINAL JUST TO PASS THE FUCKING CLASS YOU DUMB SACK OF SHIT.
CHEAT: That's right, cheat! If you don't know the answer, and you ignored my first suggestion, cheating is literally *Chris Traeger voice* the only other option you have left. There are tons of fun ways to cheat! You can write the answers on your arm, but make sure you you sit in the back of class so you don't get caught! You can even print out a fake drink label that has every equation or formula you need to get an A on that pesky Calculus test! What's that? You're worried you might get caught and fail the class? Hmm... Well, maybe if YOU WEREN'T A FUCKING LOSER THE FIRST 4 MONTHS OF THE SEMESTER YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO RESORT TO FUCKING CHEATING NOW WOULD YOU YOU WORTHLESS CUM DUMPSTER JESUS SPEND MORE TIME READING YOUR NOTES AND LESS TIME POISONING YOUR LIVER AND YOU WOULD NOT BE IN THIS SITUATION GODDAMN I DO NOT WANT TO BE PAYING FOR YOUR LAZY ASS TO COLLECT WELFARE IN THE FUTURE SO YOU BETTER SHAPE UP RIGHT NOW I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS IF YOU HAVE TO CHEAT TO DO THIS
Those are the only tips I can give you. If these tips don't help you, then you are definitely beyond help and should probably seek a professional's assistance to cure you from your TOTALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE BEHAVIOR THIS LIST TOOK LIKE 7 MINUTES TO WRITE AND IF YOU ARE GOING TO JUST SIT THERE AND DISS ME AND SAY "OH WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS GUY KNOW HE'S JUST AN ASPERGER-Y DUMB FUCK" WELL THAT MAY BE RIGHT BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT THE IDIOT READING THIS STUPID FUCKING LIST AT 1:00 IN THE MORNING BECAUSE YOU ARE UP LATE BECAUSE YOU ARE AN INSOMNIAC OR YOU ARE MORE CONCERNED WITH YOUR DAMN NERDY-ASS GRADES THAN YOUR PERSONAL WELL-BEING JEEZUS FUCK EVERYTHING I'LL JUST LEAVE
Sunday, April 27, 2014
I'm too Bored
Hi all. It's me, Alex. I know I have neglected this blog for 2+ years, but I'm bored and hyper so I'll just #yolo the fuck out of this right now:
I will start posting regularly on this page, starting soon (probably after the semester.) I will probably just post completely random shit, but that's ok. I feel like I'm a better writer than talker (probably because i WAS DIAGNOSED WITH ASPERGERS RECENTLY by a bunch of people, which was a really eye-opening experience for me, even though I prolly don't even have aspergers so *shrug*), so I will write more, and it will be great/good/mediocre/poor/I FUCKING QUIT THIS DAMMIT SORRY MY AMATEUR BLOG POSTS AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOUR CONCEITED ASS TO ACCEPT. I'M DOING THIS FOR ME NOT YOU, SO IF YOU DON'T APPRECIATE IT YOU CAN GTFO OF MY LIFE. YOU WILL NOT BE MISSED. NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOUR PESSIMISM. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR A FUCKING COLLEGE KID'S BLOG THAN THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. IT'S MY LIFE, I DON'T NEED TO SPEND ALL MY TIME TRYING TO PLEASE YOU AND YOUR ARROGANT ASS.
Whoops....that got heated. I'll leave before I break my caps-lock button.
-Alex
I will start posting regularly on this page, starting soon (probably after the semester.) I will probably just post completely random shit, but that's ok. I feel like I'm a better writer than talker (probably because i WAS DIAGNOSED WITH ASPERGERS RECENTLY by a bunch of people, which was a really eye-opening experience for me, even though I prolly don't even have aspergers so *shrug*), so I will write more, and it will be great/good/mediocre/poor/I FUCKING QUIT THIS DAMMIT SORRY MY AMATEUR BLOG POSTS AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOUR CONCEITED ASS TO ACCEPT. I'M DOING THIS FOR ME NOT YOU, SO IF YOU DON'T APPRECIATE IT YOU CAN GTFO OF MY LIFE. YOU WILL NOT BE MISSED. NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOUR PESSIMISM. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR A FUCKING COLLEGE KID'S BLOG THAN THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. IT'S MY LIFE, I DON'T NEED TO SPEND ALL MY TIME TRYING TO PLEASE YOU AND YOUR ARROGANT ASS.
Whoops....that got heated. I'll leave before I break my caps-lock button.
-Alex
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